Untrue Parenting Myths

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Many ideas about parenting have become so ingrained in our society, it can be difficult to separate fact from fiction. Below are some "bad parenting" tactics, and why they may not be so bad after all.

The word "bribery" sounds worse than it actually is. Giving kids an incentive in order to reach a specific behavioral goal, like toilet training, can be a positive thing. Just be careful how you use it, if you start bribing in order to get cooperation for simple things, you'll reach a point where your child won't do anything without the promise of a reward. First, try using positive, yet reward-free logic: "When you use the potty, you can wear big-boy underwear."

Many parents assume that arguing in front of our children is harmful to them. Children need good models for how to deal with angry feelings. "Arguing is a healthy part of any relationship," says Steve Tuber, Ph.D., professor of clinical psychology at the Graduate Center/City College, in New York City. "By being able to disagree in a loving way and not hiding it from your children, you're teaching them how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way." It's important that your children see you make up when the fight is over.

You don't always have to put your kids' needs before your own. Starting between 9 and 12 months, you can being to teach your child patience, and that other people have rights too. When your 9-month-old cries to be picked up, it's ok to tell him, "Mommy's just finishing the dishes, then I'll be right over."

Being fair to your kids doesn't always mean treating them equally. Giving an older child more responsibilities and privileges than a younger one is unequal treatment, but still fair. As is giving more time to a child who has special difficulties with paying attention or learning.

Many people think "quality time" with their kids means a scheduled time for talking about their day and their feelings. Experts agree that having unprogrammed, unscheduled time with your children can beget moments of connection, joy and even intimacy when you least expect it.

"Losing it" and screaming at your children does not make you a bad parent. "Its a universal experience for parents to 'lose it' from time to time," says Tuber. "All of their coping mechanisms evaporate, and they're left with tremendous frustration and anger." This is ok as long as you can later tell your children that you are sorry for yelling. It is important for your child to learn that everyone makes mistakes - even mommy and daddy.

Parenting is hard enough without buying into unrealistic expectations. You can bribe, be selfish or lose it once in a while and know that your kids will turn out alright.